Just the Line — Words Only

May your marriage outlast the group chat that planned it.

Sorry, I can't hear you with all the rustling from your tin foil hat.

Just because you didn't get her pregnant doesn't mean I did!

This Coffee is the only thing keeping me from Gentle Parenting.

My ambition has trust issues.

Motherhood: One long sigh with occasional snacks.

My kids think I'm mean. I call it effective.

Yes, they're mine. No, I don't want to talk about it.

I can't. My kids have practice. Again.

Squats? Thought you said shots.

I got hoes — garden hoes

I whisper "What the actual hell" to myself at least 47 times a day.

This shirt is my couples therapy contribution

Your personality is like cheese — it gives me the sh*ts.

My vibe? Just trying not to raise a feral adult.

I don't like reading books. I can never swipe to the next page.

Body piercings are great until someone chips a tooth

I'm allergic to nuts so you need to walk away

My house may contain nuts.

FRIENDLY REMINDER FROM MANAGEMENT. NOT FRIENDLY. NOT REMINDER.

Finally freed myself from my storage unit. The objects didn't notice.

The 4% rule was written for someone you are not.

Worked a four-hour week. Made possible by a team of six.