Just the Line — Words Only

This quote is working harder than I am.

Eight tabs open. Three are duplicates. One I cannot identify. Two I am afraid to close.

Seagull manager flies in, sh*ts on everything then leaves

I buy the snacks with the good fonts. They taste the same. The fonts know.

Problems don't get fixed. They get renamed.

Considering where your head is, you must have an amazing view of your tonsils.

Praying for patience I won't use.

$8 peace lily from Home Depot. Five years in. Has outlived two relationships.

This design's older than your attention span

Held the baby. Used the self-checkout. Stole something. Did not notice.

Any scrapes from all that knuckle dragging?

Hobby budget: $0. Hobby spent: $612. The intersection of love and frugality is mostly love.

Intelligent life. Let me know when you find it.

Hangover used to be a morning. Now it's a long weekend. The body keeps a calendar.

Always missing a part

Took the gym seriously. Got the body. Still flinch at vending machines.

I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

She asked if I thought her parents deserved to be grandparents. I asked for the bill.

I love meetings that could've been emails.

I got into running. Same way you get into debt. Slowly, then all at once.

Relatives — proof that genes have humour

First we built the future. Now we are organising against it. The future has good HR.

One day my doctor will surprise me and warm his instruments.