Just the Line — Words Only

The coffee shop asked my name. I gave them a different one. We are now both committed.

Found cheese on my truck. Did not put cheese on my truck. Will not be the last cheese on my truck.

Certified Parent. Not quitting. Not enthusiastic. Showing up regardless.

"Good vibes, bad wi-fi."

Certificate of Adequate Effort. Showered. Left the House. What more do you want.

Capybara of Indifference. Patron of those who cannot, will not, and have not been asked to.

I cannot believe I am a morning person. I was raised right. This is a betrayal.

Sorry. No, you go. Sorry. No, really. Sorry. (At this rate we'll never get anywhere.)

Calendar invite. No agenda. Subject line: catch up. I am not catching anything up.

Looking for a Byzantine-style gold chain. On a budget. Yes I see how that sounds.

They said work from anywhere. They meant work from everywhere.

Bought a house. Just me. The mortgage broker handled it like a death notification.

The break room is now in the parking garage. We are still calling it a break room.

Throwing bottles into the sea was nicer than dating apps. The currents had standards.

GENETICS: INHERITED. WARRANTY: VOID.

Boreout: like burnout, but the cause is nothing happening. Symptoms identical. Sympathy: less.

General Manager. Specifically, of nothing.

First wall art I owned was a velvet blacklight poster. Things have not improved.

Bare Minimum Monday — A Practice. Effective immediately. Renewable weekly. Compulsory in spirit.

May your marriage outlast the group chat that planned it.

Are baggy jeans still in. I have stopped asking. Trousers will tell me when they're ready.

Sorry, I can't hear you with all the rustling from your tin foil hat.

First baby: thirty items I had to have. Second baby: a clean towel. Third baby: vibes.