Just the Line — Words Only

Asked the internet if anyone else was having no success with dating. Replies came in for a year.

The penguin sees you trying. The penguin is unimpressed. The penguin remembers nothing.

The hardest part of cycling is the front door.

Found a beautiful old book called The Never Ending Story. Out of print since 1987.

Currently being lapped by a chatbot.

I asked the internet for help buying a hat. Three weeks later: still no hat. Many opinions.

Currently Accepting Apologies from my Children.

I have decided my plant is shy. The alternative is that I'm a bad caretaker.

My cultural references peaked in 2009 and I am at peace with it.

Mum said no. Case closed. Appeal denied. Ruling: final and beyond mortal challenge.

Craft beer, craftier excuses.

Mortgage is just rent. Plus a thirty-year contract. Plus the maintenance. Plus the regret.

Took the day off for a cough I have not yet developed.

Position: Middle Manager. Status: Hard Pass. Reason: I have seen the meetings.

Eighteen months off. Reason: yes. The body remembers what stopping feels like. The calendar, eventually, will too.

Copilot was wrong. Loudly. About something I knew. We promoted it.

Melbourne rental: nine hundred a week, mould as a feature, the kitchen counts as a hallway.

We just quietly stopped doing May Day baskets. No vote. No announcement. We just stopped.

Won the argument. In the shower. The other person was not invited.

Subject: Manchild. Status: Underperforming. Recommendation: Continue. He cannot be helped.

Lovely. (Translation: anywhere from 'I love you' to 'I will never speak to you again.')

Confidence: faked daily.

My landlord painted the bedroom with a roller. Over the trim. Over the outlet. Over the spider.